Its been so very Long

And life has changed so very much. Reality is a lot different then it used to be. Life has wiped my ability to enjoy the things I used to do, I haven't scrapped or crafted in ages ( though I had a layout in the previous months SBM and I had 2 in the masters mag), I dont feel like baking, though I try and without these things in my life I just feel sort of lost. Im not sure how to fill my days without hobbies.

And while there have been moments of pure Joy ( , christmas, a new nephew, my mothers visit, Easter and my boys turning 2,6 and recently 12, ) they seem to get lost in an ocean of misery

I have surfed through and am on the tail end of a return to my anxiety disorder, which totally controlled my life for a while there. While it did also return depression for a bit — it was only very mild and not the huge soul breaking cloud I have been through before

My children have been sick more times then I can count — esp. in the last month.

My beautiful BIL has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor, one the doctors say will kill him and this esp. is changing my life so many ways. My husbands heart is breaking each day — his families heart is breaking each day

And on the 26th of January my beautiful friend lost her baby — half an hour after it was born at 34 weeks on Australia day.

The same day I conceived my beautiful bean.
During all this craziness I have been given a gift that is helping me through,
A little girl ( well apparently, we will see if it stays the same at the next ultrasound)
Due in October.

Ps thanks for the emails — etc asking if all was well, Im so sorry I haven't replied, I just haven't had the words.

P.P.s I realise this is a very misery guts post and im sorry. I am having a dwelling morning.